More Conscious Decisions

I'm enjoying the processing of seeing choice where there was no choice before. For a while I had been living completely blind, thinking of myself as a victim of circumstances and that I had been dealt a bad hand. Now I see more and more that there is cause and effect, with my choices creating the circumstances in my life that I experience.

Again I was feeling upset over something petty. I had plenty of reading left to do for my exam and I knew it would not be productive if I had lingering anger in the back of my mind. All my other fearful thoughts take enough place as it is! So all it took was one quick phone call, to tell the person that I did not want to say goodbye while we were unhappy, and all was well. Why should I remain in a negative state of mind over nonsense? There are more important things to use our energy for.

Another conscious choice I was able to successfully make had to do with work. My previous post stated that I was unsatisfied with work, and I was reminded that it is not the job itself but my perception that will decide the experience of it. After a particularly stressful day, I was so fed up with feeling that way that I told myself when I woke up the next time to go to work, I would have a good day. And I did. It was a complete shift in perception. Unfortunately it didn't last and I seem to have reverted back to my insane anxiety-feeding thought patterns, but I need only make the choice right now and experience my job however I want to.

Our minds are our own worst enemy. We are the ones who make ourselves suffer, nobody else. That means we are also the ones who make ourselves feel peace and joy. What do you choose?

So I really CAN choose how I feel

I've been having lots of discussions about the ability choose how we think and feel. While I can grasp this concept intellectually, that has done little to change my actual experience. This morning I was actually able to consciously decide that I didn't want to feel how I was feeling, and let go of it instantaneously. The situation was pretty insignificant, petty even, but the fact that I was able to immediately change my state of mind gives me confidence that this can be done no matter what the situation is.

I was getting ready for school in the morning, and my mother and I were both getting on eachother's nerves a bit. We get along very well but once in a while something small like this will happen. Anyways, I was about to leave feeling extremely irritated and I saw just how pointless it was to feel this way the entire day over something so small. Immediately I felt the urge to give her a hug and the feeling of anger literally melted away right that moment. Often I'll shrug these feeling off because in my head I'll convince myself that it is petty, but the feeling will still linger. This time it was completely gone and I felt extremely good for having been able to choose that I did not want to leave home feeling the anger.

A Course in Miracles describes a miracle as "a shift in perception from fear to love", and that there are no order in difficulties in miracles, so one is not harder or more possible than another. I really think this describes the situation perfectly, as my perception shifted and my emotional state changed with it. This also means that such a shift in perception is equally possible in any other situation, no matter how big or overwhelming it may seem. If the choice really comes down to our perception, then why should the situation matter? All we have to do is choose a different perception and the situation will improve as a result.

My story remains undramatic but it renews my faith that we really do have a choice. I love when I am able to actually experience the ideas that are often just stuck in my mind.