Spring time has been a time of great change for me. I've been a caffeine addict for a while but now it's been over a week without any coffee the change has been amazing. I'm so much calmer and grounded that I cringe at the thought of how jittery I constantly was with caffeine flowing through my veins all day.
I also found that it has got me more in touch with my intuition. Being wired all day keeps me stuck in my head where thoughts start to flow out of control and I lose touch with my inner wisdom. One example is that at work I would be anxious throughout the day, and so whenever I had thoughts of finding a new job I would just say that it was fear distorting my perception of my job and that I just had to ignore it. After going to work without having any caffeine in my system, I was able to experience the day without any extreme anxiety but I felt that the job just did not satisfy me any longer and it is time to move on. One job that I applied for that involves helping isolated seniors and organizing activities for them and it looks amazing to me. I will put my full effort into trying to get this job for the summer. Exciting!
The other demon: nicotine. I've been addicted to cigarettes for about 3 and a half years now. I made a few effortless attempts at quitting for a few days but nothing serious. Today I am smoking my last cigarette and we will see where this takes me. I'll try to keep my progress here, I think interacting in the blog world will help keep my occupied in the evenings and help with the process.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and experience a day cigarette-free. I have the nicotine gum for when required but I intend to use this on a very short-term basis just until I feel a bit more comfortable. I look forward to being free from the cravings and obsessions and am curious what gifts will come along with this experience.
I hope all is well with everybody and you are enjoying whatever phase of your journey you are now on!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Letting go, moving forward
I haven't been posting much due to the stress of exam finals and watching my relationship crumble. Now I seem to have grounded myself so hopefully I can get back into the whole blogging thing.
After all my confusion, as can be seen in previous posts about my girlfriend, I finally decided to break up with her. I've had horrible breakups in the past that took me months to recover, but thankfully I seem to have grown enough to avoid the pain that I thought had to come necessarily after two people go their own ways.
I feel a new sense of freedom in my life, and am excited for the opportunity to explore new areas. I've experienced sadness as well, but my main feeling seems to be one of freedom. For this I am grateful. I choose to enjoy this new phase in my life and the learn whatever I can from my previous relationship. I will not get overly dramatic about it - we were together about 9-10 months - but for me this has been my longest and healthiest relationships. All my other ones were in my pre-rehab days , which were not particularly healthy to say the least.
I do feel an urge to jump into another relationship immediately, especially being at a big university where there is no shortage of potential partners. I hope that I let myself process the experience and allow myself time to get over the loss instead of jumping into another relationship before I am ready, but who knows when the right time will be. Relationships can be such an incredible learning experience - but they are far from being easy.
I love the feeling of entering a new phase in life. I'm in summer classes now so my schedule is different, and I can't wait to see what awaits me! Life is always changing so I choose to appreciate the novelty of new experiences instead of dwelling on how things were before. Things just get boring after awhile when they are always the same. I choose to be open to whatever this summer time has in store and to grow from the experiences that are to come.
I hope to stay more in touch with this wonderful blog community, now that I have more free time. And thank you all for the advice that you gave regarding my relationship, it is much appreciated.
After all my confusion, as can be seen in previous posts about my girlfriend, I finally decided to break up with her. I've had horrible breakups in the past that took me months to recover, but thankfully I seem to have grown enough to avoid the pain that I thought had to come necessarily after two people go their own ways.
I feel a new sense of freedom in my life, and am excited for the opportunity to explore new areas. I've experienced sadness as well, but my main feeling seems to be one of freedom. For this I am grateful. I choose to enjoy this new phase in my life and the learn whatever I can from my previous relationship. I will not get overly dramatic about it - we were together about 9-10 months - but for me this has been my longest and healthiest relationships. All my other ones were in my pre-rehab days , which were not particularly healthy to say the least.
I do feel an urge to jump into another relationship immediately, especially being at a big university where there is no shortage of potential partners. I hope that I let myself process the experience and allow myself time to get over the loss instead of jumping into another relationship before I am ready, but who knows when the right time will be. Relationships can be such an incredible learning experience - but they are far from being easy.
I love the feeling of entering a new phase in life. I'm in summer classes now so my schedule is different, and I can't wait to see what awaits me! Life is always changing so I choose to appreciate the novelty of new experiences instead of dwelling on how things were before. Things just get boring after awhile when they are always the same. I choose to be open to whatever this summer time has in store and to grow from the experiences that are to come.
I hope to stay more in touch with this wonderful blog community, now that I have more free time. And thank you all for the advice that you gave regarding my relationship, it is much appreciated.
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