Spring time has been a time of great change for me. I've been a caffeine addict for a while but now it's been over a week without any coffee the change has been amazing. I'm so much calmer and grounded that I cringe at the thought of how jittery I constantly was with caffeine flowing through my veins all day.
I also found that it has got me more in touch with my intuition. Being wired all day keeps me stuck in my head where thoughts start to flow out of control and I lose touch with my inner wisdom. One example is that at work I would be anxious throughout the day, and so whenever I had thoughts of finding a new job I would just say that it was fear distorting my perception of my job and that I just had to ignore it. After going to work without having any caffeine in my system, I was able to experience the day without any extreme anxiety but I felt that the job just did not satisfy me any longer and it is time to move on. One job that I applied for that involves helping isolated seniors and organizing activities for them and it looks amazing to me. I will put my full effort into trying to get this job for the summer. Exciting!
The other demon: nicotine. I've been addicted to cigarettes for about 3 and a half years now. I made a few effortless attempts at quitting for a few days but nothing serious. Today I am smoking my last cigarette and we will see where this takes me. I'll try to keep my progress here, I think interacting in the blog world will help keep my occupied in the evenings and help with the process.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and experience a day cigarette-free. I have the nicotine gum for when required but I intend to use this on a very short-term basis just until I feel a bit more comfortable. I look forward to being free from the cravings and obsessions and am curious what gifts will come along with this experience.
I hope all is well with everybody and you are enjoying whatever phase of your journey you are now on!
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
The Gifts of Addiction
I thought I would write about my own experiences with addiction after reading Mark's posts (part 1, part 2, part 3) about overcoming habits at The Naked Soul . Overcoming my addictions has played a defining role in who I am today, and after working through it I can look back and see the gifts that it had to offer. Loss of control is a very difficult thing to experience, but it forces us to take a look at our lives and make the necessary changes.
Throughout my life there have been many things I have done compulsively for some period of time. I've used the internet to hide from people, binged on food to numb my emotions, and latched on to partners thinking they brought me happiness. What brought me to me knees was my drug use, which started off innocently enough but eventually became my single reason for existing. I was pretty much depressed all the time and lacked any sort of social skills, so drugs provided the solution to both these problems. I would be full of life and energy, and could be around people without self-consciousness completely crippling me. It was my solution, and it worked - at first. I think that us one of the sneakiest parts of addictions, they really do allow you to forget about your problems for a short while. But it's like the credit card companies (which also happened to come after me thanks to my irresponsible behavior during that period), you have to pay back more than you took in the first place. And for me this involved my mind, my drive for life, my education, and my family. I put all these aside so that I could get escape.
My lifestyle didn't last for long. I'm still quite young, but after a few years of this I caved and asked for help. My mother was volunteering at a rehab center and I asked her if she could get me in. Within a couple of days I was packed and ready to go for 4 months. Rehab was probably the hardest thing I had to do in my life, but it was the most rewarding as well. I was forced to open up about my emotions, and learn how to be around people. I would isolate with books while in there but people would point it out to me so I couldn't always get away with it. I was also in a very unhealthy relationship at the time, and really most of my thoughts while staying there were about her, not the drugs. By being separated from her I was lucky that I was forced to deal with two major issues at once.
I left the rehab almost 3 years ago and have been doing wonderfully since then. We learned a lot of spiritual principles there and since then I have been trying to learn as much as I can. It really changed my entire perception of what life was all about - and now I am happier than I ever could have imagined. I've had to deal with a lot of anxiety since coming back out, but meditation, reading, and talking about what is bothering me have all helped me deal with this in a healthy way.
My point here is that the worst of times can bring about the best of times. During great struggles we can learn a lot about who we are. Addiction forces us to make changes if we want to overcome it. I'm extremely grateful because I was put in a position where I had to learn how to be happier or else I would not have made it through. So many people are able to coast through life at a very unsatisfying level but don't have any extreme situation to force them to question themselves.
Here is a list of some simple things that my experience has taught me:
These are just a few of the main themes that come to mind. Really the whole thing has opened me up to a world of spiritual growth and seeking to learn, or remember, the Truth of who I am. I am glad to have here an avenue of expression. If anybody is experiencing similar loss of control - I know how hard it can be. Remember that it is never impossible to overcome, and there are many lessons waiting for you around the corner.
It would also be great to hear anybody else's experiences or ideas, so please share.
Throughout my life there have been many things I have done compulsively for some period of time. I've used the internet to hide from people, binged on food to numb my emotions, and latched on to partners thinking they brought me happiness. What brought me to me knees was my drug use, which started off innocently enough but eventually became my single reason for existing. I was pretty much depressed all the time and lacked any sort of social skills, so drugs provided the solution to both these problems. I would be full of life and energy, and could be around people without self-consciousness completely crippling me. It was my solution, and it worked - at first. I think that us one of the sneakiest parts of addictions, they really do allow you to forget about your problems for a short while. But it's like the credit card companies (which also happened to come after me thanks to my irresponsible behavior during that period), you have to pay back more than you took in the first place. And for me this involved my mind, my drive for life, my education, and my family. I put all these aside so that I could get escape.
My lifestyle didn't last for long. I'm still quite young, but after a few years of this I caved and asked for help. My mother was volunteering at a rehab center and I asked her if she could get me in. Within a couple of days I was packed and ready to go for 4 months. Rehab was probably the hardest thing I had to do in my life, but it was the most rewarding as well. I was forced to open up about my emotions, and learn how to be around people. I would isolate with books while in there but people would point it out to me so I couldn't always get away with it. I was also in a very unhealthy relationship at the time, and really most of my thoughts while staying there were about her, not the drugs. By being separated from her I was lucky that I was forced to deal with two major issues at once.
I left the rehab almost 3 years ago and have been doing wonderfully since then. We learned a lot of spiritual principles there and since then I have been trying to learn as much as I can. It really changed my entire perception of what life was all about - and now I am happier than I ever could have imagined. I've had to deal with a lot of anxiety since coming back out, but meditation, reading, and talking about what is bothering me have all helped me deal with this in a healthy way.
My point here is that the worst of times can bring about the best of times. During great struggles we can learn a lot about who we are. Addiction forces us to make changes if we want to overcome it. I'm extremely grateful because I was put in a position where I had to learn how to be happier or else I would not have made it through. So many people are able to coast through life at a very unsatisfying level but don't have any extreme situation to force them to question themselves.
Here is a list of some simple things that my experience has taught me:
- It's okay to ask for help. In fact, this is a great thing to do. We need not be alone.
- We can't always control what is going on around us, we can control how we react to it.
- We need not be ashamed of our past. There are no secrets we need to keep in forever.
- Life can be so beautiful if we do not have a distorted perception of reality. Many people call addiction a "disease of perception". I would say any thought that does not make us feel good comes from some kind of distorted perception.
- We do not need anything outside of ourselves to be happy.
These are just a few of the main themes that come to mind. Really the whole thing has opened me up to a world of spiritual growth and seeking to learn, or remember, the Truth of who I am. I am glad to have here an avenue of expression. If anybody is experiencing similar loss of control - I know how hard it can be. Remember that it is never impossible to overcome, and there are many lessons waiting for you around the corner.
It would also be great to hear anybody else's experiences or ideas, so please share.
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