As much as I may not want to admit it, uncertainty scares me. "Figuring things out" gives me a false sense of security, convincing myself that if I can predict exactly what is going to happen so that I will be prepared for it when it comes. Unfortunately, this is never the case. My mind attempts to time travel into the future, offering me illusory glimpses in an attempt to calm my nerves, offering me some guess as to what tomorrow or next week has in store, but in the end these lies do not offer me the comfort that I seek
Right now my uncertainty has to do with finding a new job. I'm a student, so it is not even like I have to worry about rent or food or anything like that. I just need a summer job to pay for my education and to have money to go out. So why am I so stressed? My current job is unsatisfying and there will not be enough work for the summer, so I'm trying to figure out what to do. When I do not have a source of income i feel like I am missing a part of me, and financial worries cause me unnecessary stress. I don't get it...I'm living with my mother most likely until I graduate...so what the hell is stressing me so much?
Besides my financial fears, I also worry about getting stuck in another job that makes me miserable. Most summer and part-time jobs are lousy - and maybe that is something I'll have to accept, but I keep wishing/hoping to find a job that is actually satisfying and makes me want to go into work in the morning.
It's amazing how not knowing what is to come can cause so much anxiety. I notice that I am always thinking one step ahead. Not far into my future, but always thinking about what my next action is going to be. How can this bring anything but stress? Really, trying to predict and plan for things that have not yet happened is impossible. No matter how much I try to convince myself, I simply can't have every single thing figured out and planned before I begin it. Some things I just need to surrender and let them happen like they are supposed to.
Today I choose to love uncertainty instead of fear it. I choose to find a job that satisfies me within the next week. Let's see if I really can create my reality....
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"Let's see if I really can create my reality...." Careful now...this sounds a lot like you're testing your faith. You cannot test the Self because in doing so you are already deciding that you don't believe unless it works out the way you think it should.
As for financial worries, I think we can all relate to that. The best thing I can say is that the job is not what makes the difference between happiness and discontent...it is still your choice on how to perceive it. This also applies to being unemployed...it is easy to feel less fulfilled, useless, even bored...but perhaps this is a time to go inward and find peace with non-doing rather than immediately escaping into another task?
The point is not to worry about any of it...move moment to moment, either you find work or you don't...you are still left with one choice in the Here and Now.
the choice : "Am I enjoying myself right now or not?"
Don't think about it...forget your "reasons" to believe one thing or another...just decide. The rest, as always, will take care of itself.
P.S. Isn't it strange that I was just writing about my own fears regarding the future and finances and suddenly I read something that reminds me we are all in this together? ha! The mind is really quite good at tying things together..
It sounds like you a concentrating a little too hard on your fears which is so easy to do of course! Here is something I have learned to I learned this very recently actually. When I feel my fears getting a grip on my thoughts. I tell myself STOP! I shut off everything for period of time perhaps only an hour or for bigger issues a day or two and just have fun! I refuse to think about anything that is upsetting me and I throw myself into pleasure. After a that I feel so refreshed and not overwhelmed by my feelings at all. In fact then I'm able to move forward and act on whatever the problem is in a way that brings about positive change. It's a way to keep myself in balance as otherwise I tend to let my thoughts get overwhelming at times. You might find this helpful.
Forgetful God,
Thank you, your reply did bring me a bit more peace of mind than I had when writing this. You are right it always comes back to the moment. When I am worried about being broke or going into debt because of school, it is just worry of the future. Even if that were to happen, it is only how I choose to perceive the situation that really matters. I can be employed and miserable or unemployed and happy. Thank you for the reminder.
Yes it's great how often we will see something appear in our reality that is completely relevant to what we are going through at the time. Everything is amazing really...
Desiree,
Thank you, that sounds like a nice idea. You are right we really need to just step back when it starts to get out of control or else it will continue to just feed on itself.
I don't want to make my life sound like it is all full of stress and drama. Things are going quite well, I'm just an anxiety prone person. Thanks for the advice.
Take care
Live in the now, the present moment and focus on what you want to happen rather than what you fear might happen. Remember, what we think about expands. You want to expand what you desire to happen, you do not want to expand what you fear.
It would be nice if everyone could eat of the fruits of the land freely, and each works only as hard as is necessary to stay alive, but over the centuries our egos have led us to this capitalist society where we all must worry about making enough money to not only stay alive, but to entertain our egos as well. Our egos keep us slaves by instilling fear in us, such as fear that we'll lose our jobs and therefore go hungry. When our egos have this much hold on us, it's is difficult to beat them down by simply ignoring them.
Mark,
Thank you that is really what I have to do. Sometimes looking at what I want to avoid is just an automatic reaction. But it comes down to making a choice, like all other things...
Sophia,
It's true money is such a major issue for many people. Even those who have plenty seem to have insecurities.
It's funny, there were times when I had wished that I did not have any money saved up because of how much stress I caused myself trying to make sure not to waste it all.
Lets not listen to our egos!
what a great honest post. and what wonderful advice as well. and i do think staying in the present moment is Key. There is no worry, no fear, no anxiety when you are fully, completely immersed in the moment. It's not even that you have to 'try' to not get angry, stressed, etc. it simply isn't there.
And in the past, I was a BIG time worrier, a Planner with a capital P. I tried to anticipate every last detail and plan for it...and after about a billion curve balls knocked me down, I finally got it. You can't plan for everything, nor would I even WANT to. Life is cyclical, it's fluid, it's up and down...
If I want my life to be uneventful and a flatline, I might as well be dead.
p.s. tell your mom to do some Reiki on you!!! :)
~be well
~meredith
Oh rest assured you didn't sound like your life was all stress and drama! You just sounded like you needed to step away from this issue. Actually now that you mention it you sound like a man who is growing and awakening as some like to call it. Hope all is well!
Meredith,
Thank you Meredith. In the moment is where I wish to live, although sometimes seem to be harder than others!
Good idea, I haven't had any Reiki done in over a year...I should take advantage.
Desiree,
Thank you for your kind words. I hope you are doing wonderfully as well.
Hi Brian - I've been a worrier too - still am some of the time - but like you, I've realized that it doesn't have to be that way. Over the years I've suffered much, much more from worrying and torturing myself about things which might happen than I have done from actually experiencing the very small proportion of those things which actually came to pass. And when they did come to pass, I scarcely noticed the attendant pain in any case because I was too busy getting on and dealing with them - which I usually did entirely successfully. So you might as well give up worrying - it makes no kind of logical sense.
A certain amount of planning ahead can be useful of course but make sure you don't underrate the lesser known strategy of trusting that things will work out OK, because they usually do!
As for the uncertainty of the future, it might help to bear in mind that if you were entirely certain what lay ahead then there would be no possibility of surprises or new opportunities. New possibilities need a certain amount of chaos in order to come into being. The more chaotic your life, the more possibilities, the more opportunities... Hold onto that thought!
I hope these ideas are useful. Thanks for visiting my blog recently. I'll put a link in to yours.
Secret Simon,
You are right, surprises are part of the excitement in life! We can't know everything beforehand.
Thank you for the link, I've added one to your site as well
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