We all experience fear. In a world where the future remains completely unknown, it can be difficult to avoid worrying about what is going to come next. No matter how well we prepare ourselves, there can always be surprises that overwhelm us. It's becoming more clear to me that most of this time any fear or stress that I experience tends to be about something that either does not happen, or ends up being much less unpleasant than I had imagined it to be. If only we can remind ourselves this when we are in the middle of the worry, we could overcome it more quickly and prevent unnecessary suffering.
Today was a gathering at a family member's place in memory of her father who had recently passed away. I was told about this yesterday and immediately felt the fear of having to be present and not knowing how to handle myself in this kind of situation. It wasn't a horrible situation that I was expecting, but even small things like this can cause me worry. The first stress that I created was trying to decide whether or not to go. I tried looking for ways to justify staying home instead, to avoid having to face any awkwardness of having to be around my family under these circumstances. After making the decision there still remained the stress of the event itself. There were no monsters, murderers or horrible people waiting for me to arrive, only family members who I have seen many times throughout my life. I don't think the situation itself matters, it's our interpretation of it and the feelings this creates.
How did the experience turn out? It was very nice. I felt comfortable around people, and got to see people I haven't spoken to in a long time. I was able to offer my condolences, knowing how good it felt at my grandfather's funeral when other people came to pay their respects. The experience itself was much more enjoyable than I could have expected, and I was no in rush to leave.
Once again I was surprised that my predictions were wrong, although this happens so often that it should finally sink in to my stubborn mind. There are sometimes when I feel fearful that I am able to remind myself not to buy into it, but most of the time it is overwhelming and I get sucked in. Fear can't live in the moment, it requires projection into the future in order to survive. If the moment is accepted and experienced as it is, what is there to fear? Whatever is happening is happening, there is no analysis or judgment or predictions. The future is unknown and letting our mind travel there is what fills us with fear.
The two things that help me deal with fear are:
1) Meditation
2) Reminding myself that it is an illusion
I prefer meditating daily to prevent extreme anxiety instead of using it only when I am really stressed, but I'm sure it can work either way. When I do feel stressed what really helps the most is if I can convince myself that the fear is not real. If I can remember all the other times that I felt the exact same way and things didn't turn out bad, then I can be with the feeling without getting sucked into it and let it pass on its own.
We all experience so much unnecessary fear in our lives. Every time we work through it we are stronger and have more confidence to deal with it the next time it arises. Lets not let it control us.
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4 comments:
Fear...others have called it "The Devil" but it is essentially the same thing. I think it's rather funny because both Fear and Faith are constructs of our mind...we can choose between one or the other at any point. Fear itself is almost like a living entity in that it tries to trap you and make you forget that you have the choice...that's how it survives.
A lot of people would believe that the key to "conquering" fear is to face it, fight it, or forget about it...but how can you fight a part of yourself? How can you forget a part of yourself?
The trick I generally like is to accept my fear...accept it as what it is. Fear is a perception of what IS...but there are an infinite amount of perceptions of what IS to choose from, so Fear isn't some large impending force but rather a harmless fly among a million other flies that I can CHOOSE to pay attention to or simply shrug off without a second thought.
There is nothing to Fear...especially Fear itself.
A Forgetful God
Thank you for the reply, you express your ideas in a way that is very enjoyable to take in.
FDR said it all very well with "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself".
Brian, you seem to have a very good understanding that fear and worry are both illusions which we create for ourselves. You got it right, when you said, if we practice living in the moment then we will not have any fear, for fear is a false anticipation of future events. You can also alliveate some of your stress by visualizing what positive outcome you want future events to have. Remember what we think about will often manifest. Therefore there is no room for fear or stress over future events. Remember you have control, not the faceless future. Live in the now!
Brian, thank you for the kind words I feel much the same way about your writing. You seem to be expressing what you have noticed rather than what you have been told is true...keep doing that.
I'm not one who likes to give advice (mostly because I'm just talking to myself/you anyway and you already know all of this) but the best thing I could tell you is to not fall into the trap of thinking that you "get it". Do not fall into the hole that is "intellectualism" or even "spiritualism"...
There is great comfort in having a set of beliefs or labels that "prove" you are knowledgeable...there is an even greater comfort in letting those labels go and standing on your own without the aid of a support structure. To truly be yourself (without label, belief, or limitation) is to truly abandon fear.
I look forward to reading more of your insights and hope that you will continue to visit my blog as well (speaking of which, I've responded to your recent comment).
Sincerely,
A Forgetful God
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